He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
