drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
