Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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