I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
