um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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