This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
