If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
