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• (847): View more from Illinois

  my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I'm with your mom on this one.

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• (858): View more from California

  my life trainwreck boards at 9:30

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?

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• (941): View more from Florida

  My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.

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• (714): View more from California

  I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  Tis the season.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.

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• (310): View more from California

  I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.

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• (323): View more from California

  All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"

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• (949): View more from California

  i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.

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