He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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