hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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