I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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