You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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