i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
