At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize