A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
