So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
