just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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