she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
