if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
