wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
