I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
