oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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