I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She bit a glass in half.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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