I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
