she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
