even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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