Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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