whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
