I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
