i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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