I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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