dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
