Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
