Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
its liver damage thursday
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
