You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
