i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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