If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We don't watch enough power rangers
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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