I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Michael Bay diarrhea
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
