Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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