Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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