mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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