so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
