I think I died a long time ago.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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