smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Randomize
