So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
