if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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