so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
