hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
