for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
