dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize