i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
