I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
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