I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
