In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
