Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
