Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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