Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
