there's paper in my vomit.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
