i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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