I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
