I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
