You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
