Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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