The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Why is your signature on my underwear?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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