What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
