hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
