last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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